Many of us had a loving relationship with our Mother, but not all of us were so lucky. Many of my clients have been traumatized by their relationship
with their Mother. They feel unloved, unimportant and are often abused.
Before we are born, our Soul, with the assistance of our Angels, decides what lessons we want to experience in our lifetime. We may want to experience forgiveness, to love the unlovable, to be independent instead of codependent, to overcome abuse, to love ourselves, or any number of other possible experiences.
Once our Soul knows what it wants to experience, it begins the search for the perfect people to be its parents for that lifetime. It chooses the parents that it does because they are the ones most able to help with the chosen lessons.
The Soul may choose an absent Father to help with learning to love itself. It may choose an addicted Mother so it can learn to be self-sufficient. It may choose parents who will put it up for adoption because the parents it really wants are infertile, and it wants to learn what it feels like to be adopted.
The moment we are conceived; our Soul begins to forget what it chose to learn and the experiences that it chose. Many times, something happens that makes it feel unloved, thus forming the dysfunctional Victim Archetype of the Root Chakra. Instead of feeling empowered and owning the qualities it chose, it feels unloved, unwanted and without value; which it blames on how it is treated by its Mother.
The Root Chakra is connected to our Mother, and how we connect to Mother Earth for grounding. It is formed by the way our needs are met by our Mother. If we are fed when we are hungry, held when we are afraid or lonely, clothed, sheltered, etc., the Chakra will be healthy and we will be able to create those things for ourselves through our life. If we are ignored by our Mother, only fed when we scream loud enough, left in our car seat most of the time or our diaper not changed often enough, the Root Chakra will not develop properly, and we will not be able to provide for our own needs.
If the Root Chakra is not developed properly, all the Chakras will be out of harmony. This means healing the Victim of the Root Chakra is essential.
Once the Victim has been activated in your life, it begins to attract events that will validate the fact that it is being victimized. The Victim must be right about being victimized, it has to be validated. It insists in looking at how badly it was treated and refuses to see any other perspective.
It is much easier to look at a situation and see how the other person treated you badly, than to take personal responsibility for creating the situation to validate your victimization.
The Victim says:
‘See I told you my Mother doesn’t love me’
‘I knew this would happen’
‘She always ridicules my choices’
If Mother/Child relationship issues have reared their ugly head today, ask yourself:
How am I being a victim to my Mother/Child?
How do you feel about the situation?
What could you be trying to learn from the experience?
What benefit have you gotten from the way your Mother/Child has treated you? (Are you stronger, more able to cope, loving yourself more, learning to set boundaries, etc?)
And the big question:
How can you react from your Victor instead of your Victim?
To heal the Victim and our Root Chakra, we must take personal responsibility for everything that happens to us. Instead of focusing on how badly your Mother/Child has treated you, be willing to see why you created the situation.
What do you need to learn?
In what ways are you treating yourself that way?
In what ways are you allowing others to treat you that same way?
How can you treat yourself differently?
How can you set healthy boundaries?
Others treat us as we have taught them that it is okay to treat us. It is up to us to set boundaries and teach them how we really want to be treated.
When your Mother, or anyone else, begins to criticize a decision you have made, do not get angry or defensive. Instead calmly say “I realize that I taught you it was okay to criticize me, but it really isn’t. I am an adult now, and I am responsible for making my own decisions. I do not need you to approve of my decisions, because I approve of them. Instead, I need you to support me.”
If you continue to say something similar when she criticizes you, she will eventually get the message and stop criticizing you.
Once we have taken responsibility and learned the lessons that we chose to learn, we may choose to move on and have no contact with our Mother/Child. This decision can be a healthy one, or an unhealthy one depending on our motive.
If you choose to avoid someone because of anger or hurt, then you have not healed the issues between you. You have not learned what your Soul wanted to learn. You cannot run away from another person, and something will always happen to draw you back into their lives, which will only cause more pain.
If you choose to no longer have that person in your life as a way of setting a healthy boundary, the energy will be different. You are choosing to avoid that person out of love for yourself. You choose to have a different energy around you. Because this decision is made from Love, it is a healthy decision. If you do have to be around the person for any reason, there are no emotions about it, no issues that still need to be healed. You can be neutral instead of reactive.
What can you do to heal a toxic, unhealthy relationship?
Let go of expectations.
Expectations are never a good thing. A Mother may expect her child to love her unconditionally and to always be there for her. But, if she has not told her child that she has those expectations and has not shown the child unconditional love, the child may be unable to meet that expectation. A Mother may expect her child to visit every Sunday, or on Mother’s Day, but if she has not told the child that she expects these things, how can the child know? Always be clear about what you expect from another person.
Make a list of the expectations you had of your Mother as a child or of your child today. Are you meeting those expectations for yourself? Are you doing those things to nurture yourself?
Don’t expect an apology.
Your dream may be that one day your Mother/Child will wake up to the horrible things they did to you and beg your forgiveness. This seldom happens. They may not realize that they did anything to you to apologize for. They may feel just as wronged by you as you do by them. You only hurt yourself by having expecations.
What good things did you get from your Mother/Child?
Make a list of the benefits you have gotten from the way you have been treated. Have you learned to be more loving? Have you learned to be self-sufficient? Are you a stronger person? If we are going to blame someone for the bad things, we also have to blame them for the good things.
Write down your experiences and your feelings. Getting them out into the Light can be very cathartic.
Holding onto a grudge and refusing to forgive hurts us more than it does the other person. They often don’t even know that you are angry or hurt. Holding onto the pain causes our heart to close and prevents us from having Love in our lives.
Forgiving does not mean that we condone what the other person did or that what they did is okay. It simply means that you choose to remove your energy from the situation. You choose to no longer have any emotional reaction to it, instead letting it go.
The Energetic Clearing Technique
There are many techniques we can use for healing our relationships. The one I use is the Energetic Clearing Technique, and I highly recommend it for any issue.
Heart and Soul Healing
Traumatic relationships and events cause us to lose pieces of our Soul. This can leave us stuck and unable to heal. Heart and Soul Healing will bring you back to wholeness and help you to heal and forgive.
Unconditional Love means letting go of judgement. We have been taught since conception to judge everything and everyone, especially ourselves. If your judgment, your Mother/Child hurt you or didn’t Love you in the way you wanted to be loved. Their judgment may be just the opposite. Our judgments keep us from being loved, from being Love. Open your heart, let go of your judgments and Love Unconditionally.